My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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