I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
