ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
