You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
