so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
