I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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