i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize