Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
That reminds me...we need to get swords
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
