Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
