Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
