i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
