i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
