my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize