the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm like, not good at living.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
