Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
