and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
