I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
