I am puke
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
