What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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