I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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