Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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