I will die if light touches me.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize