I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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