I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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