if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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