I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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