A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
