Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
