this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
