He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I use my feet as sexual weapons
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
