so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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