she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
