All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
