You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize