you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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