I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
