you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
