An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I love you.
Bad choice
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
