The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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