I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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