i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
