He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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