i just wanna soil my oats bro
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
