Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She's like a pop up book from hell.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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