please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
