I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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