just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
