I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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