the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
