Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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