I want to make a zoo with you.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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