guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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