So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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