he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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