Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
