I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
