Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
