Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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