I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
