I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize