Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
