Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
