Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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